Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
