is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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