God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
