Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
