??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
