I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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