she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
