I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
