he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
