Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
