You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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