I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
