it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize