$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Text me some of your sweat
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