The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
