I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
