Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i out mim tonsoeep
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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