there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
