I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
