hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
