is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
