remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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