when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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