Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
