I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
