Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
