Jerry, you need to find god
the condom got lost in my hair
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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