i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
