i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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