my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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