I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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