Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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