he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
