too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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