he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
