If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you inspire me to be a worse person
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize