Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
