He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
