As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
