I could make wine with my vomit
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have aggressive nipples.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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