so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
