I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
