i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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