I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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