Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
