Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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