SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
