I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
