you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
