Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
