I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Randomize
