For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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