Where is the hickey?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize