Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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