Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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