all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
