im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
