if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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