It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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