my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
