i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
