it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
