people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
