i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
