I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
