Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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