I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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