I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
