and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
