as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
