Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize