so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
