can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
