i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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