YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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