Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
