You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize