drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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