Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize