Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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