Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
