You can't motorboat a personality
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
