The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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