I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
