now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
