My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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