Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
