How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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