i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
high people should be assigned attendants
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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